Dance Your Way Into Her Heart
by Ross Behrens
Every woman will love to dance with you when you make it fun, keep her safe, and lead
with confidence.
I WASN'T A POPULAR DANCER when I started West Coast swing fifteen years ago. My leads were late. I forgot patterns. Fancy footwork confused me. I was so awful that women ducked when they saw me coming.
But by the time I taught my first West Coast swing class in San Francisco in 1996, women were smiling, asking me to dance and complimenting my leading skills. Even accomplished dancers were pleased when I drew them as a partner in Jack and Jill contests.
So what had I learned about swing dancing and leading to account for the change? Was it better dancing skills? Better connection? Anchoring? Pattern knowledge? Or had I learned something about women?
It was all of these and more.
For one thing, I learned that gals don't care much about pattern s. When a lady is getting dressed for a night out, she doesn't think, "Gee, I hope I meet a guy who leads me through a shoulder roll followed by a tunnel and then a spin whip." No, she goes dancing to have fun. Maybe she'll meet some guy she clicks with, but her main thing is to get out of the house, join friends and have a good time.
Knowing this, a guy starts making her evening enjoyable before the first dance together begins. As you stroll up to her, make eye contact, smile and compliment her on something: her blouse, her shoes, hair, perfume… anything, just so the compliment is sincere.
As you lead her onto the dance floor, keep in mind that her safety is your responsibility. Find an open spot on the floor so that she won't get stepped on.
When you are in closed dance position and before you lead anything, take time to allow both of you to feel the music. When you start, you and your partner should be moving as one.
After your initial throw-out or glide-away, you need to do two things: 1) get her into a comfort zone of trust, and 2) get a feel for her skill level. Use a simple initial pattern. I prefer a side pass to find out if she knows what a slot is. Does she take big steps or small? Does she move smoothly or is she stiff? Does she reestablish connection at the end? All of this tells me what I can confidently lead, what I might be able to lead if I set it up properly, and what to avoid.
Lead with confidence
Good leaders plan their leads a move or two in advance. Followers do not have to think as far ahead, but they must think quickly, reacting simultaneously to music and patterns while adding styling and exhibiting grace.
How can you help her? Extend your lead throughout the movement, through the beginning, middle and all the way to an end that you visualized before you began. This is the essence of a confident lead that gives your partner security. Here are some other tips on leading:
Tips for newbie leaders
Keep your connected hand calm so that your partner doesn't think you are leading a move when you aren't.
Use the pistol grip hand connection. This is the one where her fingers overlap three of your fingers and your forefinger extends against the side of her hand. This connection gives you lateral control, a smooth release through turns, and helps keep your thumbs clear. Since pros use it, you will also look cooler.
Don't lead with your arms. Lead from your center (some pros suggest low center).
Take small steps on fast songs. A step the length of your foot should suffice. Slower swing songs might call for a longer step. But keep in mind that when dancing in a slot the woman travels farther than you do, her legs aren't a long as yours, and she might be in heels. Don't out-stride her.
Don't let your partner get so far away from you that your arms straighten. Keep some flex in your arm.
Make it easy for her to keep her balance on spins and turns by positioning your hand close to her head; don't lift your arm high so that she has to reach up.
Mai ntain your frame. Maintain eye contact. Smile.
Tips for intermediate leaders
Don't start your lead on the beat. Initiate your lead on the "&" before the beat.
Alter your patterns to fit the style and mood of the music and your partner. The last thing you want to do is bore her with the same patterns done the same way dance after dance.
When dancing with a skillful woman dancer, reduce the number of complex patterns you lead and sprinkle in basic patterns that she can spice up with footwork and cool interpretations.
Dance at the front of the beat on fast music, and at the back of the beat on slow music.
A few last words
It has been said that partner dancing is the "art of unison." To make this merging of two dancers possible, you must lead clearly and confidently. Your partner shouldn't need to guess where you want her to go, nor should she be concerned for her safety while she's with you on the floor. Focus on making sure she has fun, and you'll have many happy dance partners.
